JADED

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I sit on the sand
With nothing to do
Thinking not of anything
Watching a blank space
I look down and scribble
But nothing came out of it
The waters came rushing in
And washed away my doodle

I don’t care about the breeze
That’s ruffling my hair
I don’t even mind the sun
Hitting me on at midday
A bird lands on my shoulder
Yet I feel no thrill
Flies away looking for food
While I don’t feel my starvation

Sitting here for so long
Nothing much has transpired
The sun is starting to fade
The waters flowing away
I look up the heavens
The sky is getting dark
I take a deep sigh
Once again the night falls

I stand up and walk away
Both hands digging in my pocket
A ball rolls in front of me
Barefoot I push it away
I bow my head as I stride at a snail’s pace
Slowly moving towards the shelter
I come in a faintly lit room
And just let my body hit the bed

I stare at the ceiling I see nothing
But a shadow of the past
I pinched my arm I feel nothing
But a numbed scar
I think about life I sense nothing
But a lackluster future
I close my eyes I dream nothing
But an empty space

Paranoia (Inspired by Queensryche “Silent Lucidity”)

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Calm down don’t cry wipe your tears away
And you will be comforted by my embrace
You’ll be safe, yes! You will be safe
As long as I am with you here

It was all a nightmare that keeps coming back
A deception that frequently stirs your mind
You feel the pain you resist the pain
For a chance to face a new day

I realized you were scared you beautiful soul
I saw the shudder in your face my dear
Fear not, oh please you fear not
It was all just a hallucination

What is it that’s going through your innocent mind?
Is it a past that’s coming to life again and again
Just a work of mind, yes a work of mind
Deceiving you to fear life

Rest now and free your mind from figment of imagination
Because life is both sweet and bitter we all know darling
Just create in your mind that you are safe and warm
In this crazy wild world that you and I are in

Maine’s Poem: My Thoughts

Now, she has spoken!

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Finally, she laid bare her beautiful heart and soul! Honestly, I was not expecting her to explicitly share and personally read a sincere and straight from the heart message for her beau in public, but she did! That must be one hell of a struggle from someone who is a rather reticent young lady.

I did see the struggle and her effort to hold back her tears. Perhaps the nerves got her, too. Nonetheless, she was able to muster enough courage to read her message until the last word. Gee! That was pretty heartfelt and it pierced my somewhat tender heart. To be honest, I shed a tear! The way I felt it, she was talking straight from her heart and that was enough for Richard to understand. He has to hold the fort, so to speak. Walk the talk, man!

Everything  she wanted to say and we wanted to know was summed up in a superbly written poem (though I can only assume that it was written sometime when she was still having skepticism about her inner feelings towards RJ and his real intentions). So that makes it still perfectly aligned with the present KS story plot. Remember, KS story is way behind from what is reality between the two. Please don’t get me wrong folks, but I wasn’t born yesterday!

Guys, what I saw today was Richard and Maine (and not as their characters KSAlden and Divina) sharing their love story to us though a little bit restrained (which is pretty reasonable). From where I see it, they are gradually acquainting us with their real status (perhaps to make a smooth transition from reel to real) via their Kalyeserye segment. Surprisingly, today they didn’t blur the lines although Alden and the lolas constantly referred Maine as Divina (perhaps to emphasize her character). But sincerely, that didn’t even give me a vague impression of the two’s relationship. At the end of the show though, lola Nidora finally called her by her real name Maine, while stating her usual words of wisdom for the two and for all young lovers as well.

To recap, they had their own sweet time together without fans crowding them and shared just a few snippets for their fans to drool over. I couldn’t help but feel giddy yet happy for their once in a blue moon “freedom” to just be themselves on national TV.

Guys, theirs is an extraordinary love story you wouldn’t want to miss out on in this highly interactive age.

Alden Richards/Maine Mendoza.: My Take On Your 30th Weeksary

So, you cried once more!

Once again, you proved us how genuine you are with your feelings – a simple poem that got Divina (this was how Maine was referred to during KS) and the entire Aldubnation. Yes, you were in character but I felt Richard on the stage and that didn’t ever hinder what you wanted to sincerely say from your heart . You struggled a bit reading it……it showed and pretty logical for

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someone who’s professing his real emotions to his lady love (Maine)! Here’s the catch, the last line though was meant for Divina the character and not for Maine, IMO. If you get what I mean!

Sure, it’s kind of tough to open your heart on national TV but you were on Kalyeserye – you could have opted to be KS Alden and just went on with your act but you chose to be real. If it’s to show your genuine intentions, I admire you more for doing that. But if it’s to prove your detractors wrong, I hope this whole thing made sense.

You lovingly hugged Divina several times. It was real and full of emotions! Just like how she comforted you while you were about to breakdown (you tear up though). I have felt the love, gratitude and respect you have for her. I knew your heartfelt action was reciprocated back with the same affection though it was Divina (on the basis of how you referred to her) not Maine you were with on that historic Eat Bulaga stage. You both have this strange kind of love for each other. My hats off!

I can only assume though, that Divina’s epic walk-out scene was part of the act and that you were not informed (cue di na orient dialogue) about this scenario perhaps to draw out organic stunned reaction from your end. Well, it’s Kalyeserye’s forte – drawing out genuine reactions from their actors. If and only if it was scripted, Maine sure did a pretty good acting as Divina (doing the walk away scene) that left us affected and speechless (her tears were genuine though probably overwhelmed with the goings on). Otherwise that was one heck of a real emotion from a “caught off guard” unassuming lovely lady.

Honestly, RJ you are one hell of a guy. That’s it! You didn’t blur the lines from where I see it….it’s the story (if it’s even called a story) that apparently distorted every aspect of the KS plot. Not to worry though, being critical about this whole brouhaha does not necessarily put you in a bad light (being the real Richard and Maine). Perhaps just continue to be the person that you are – no pretensions on and off camera. We honestly adore you that way!

Mild Schizoprenia

The day is pretty bright and clear
Oddly, I see dark clouds when I look up the sky
Oh yes, it’s quite serene out there
But when I look at it a raging storm is looming

How long have I been this way
Looking at the waves in wrath rather than a pleasant ripple
They are coming to me like a ghost in the past
When all there is a gush rushing in

Cheerful people frolicking everywhere
When all I see is darkness that’s probably around me
I hear songs of sadness rather than happiness
When in fact everybody’s dancing to Lou Bega’s Mambo No. 5

Is it just me or my silly mind
The deafening silence around is like a drum beat rolling
That makes my heart skip a beat
Enough of the drum beating it’s getting me insane

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Why am I acting this way
Is it a work of a dream or a mental delusion
Detaching me from reality
Probably founded by repressed emotions

Bring me back to my world
A real world where I could set apart my illusion
Look at the ocean in its splendor
And see a blue sky that promises a brighter tomorrow

A Love Lost – The Real Story

Here’s the thing, I am single and at my age I am not too proud about it. I should be married by now but shoulda coulda woulda……..

Don’t get me wrong……I’ve had past relationships – and pay attention long term relationships! They just didn’t freakin work out apparently not meant for marriage. One guy is already married having a blissful family life and the other guy – the one that got away!?!?

Yes, the one that got away had me hurting for over a year. Six years into the relationship…. I was a little bit on the rebound that time but I was pretty sure I had feelings for him. It actually took a while before I could eventually say we had this mutual feeling – LOVE! It was a beautiful relationship until one day,
it just went awry for no apparent reason. He just walked away (without saying goodbye) leaving me clueless…

On our 5th year, we constantly talked about marriage. We were so ready then… we laid bare our plans then he flew back somewhere halfway across the globe. He traveled a lot so we pretty much had a sort of long distance relationship…..that was a rather acceptable set up for us due to his career plus the fact that his entire family was based abroad. We got to be with each other though several times a year – hence we had a quite respectable bonding time.

December……we had the entire cold month to be together! We had out of town trips, binge on our favorite food, late night outs and our favorite seashore hopping. Yes, the beach on a chilly month of the year – one of our weird moments together in our own crazy world. To be honest, the memories we had created on the beach were the best, just so you know. We incredibly enjoyed sitting on the shoreline just watching the waves rippled towards our direction.

We were always calmed by the sound of the water splashing as the waves reached the water’s edge. We were like kids cavorting until the dusk fell…. Our late nights were spent lying on the fine beach sand gazing the stars and just leisurely talking about us and life in general. We loved to joke around though! One thing I remarkably loved about him was his sense of humor – no dull moments. That perhaps got me among others.

Days went by so unbelievably fast. A day before he boarded the plane, he was strangely way sweeter than any other day that we were together. I had this odd feeling that there was something wrong…..perhaps a woman’s intuition! But anyway, he gave me the tightest hug ever and he flew back home….that was the very last hug he gave me…

Our communication turned to completely zero. It was crazily heartbreaking!!!…. You could just tell the depression I was into. It pained me severely because I had zero idea what was really going on. I mourned for more than a year! It was incredibly tough to move ahead and forget everything because there was no CLOSURE to the relationship. Mind over matters of the heart didn’t work out pretty well for me! Perhaps the one thing missing was the Finality!

Until one day, a member of his family came for a visit and had to find me for a very sole purpose (didn’t stay longer than 5 minutes) – handed me an envelope with a thingy in it. It was something solid! For a moment, I was jaded….I opened and found a ring and perhaps the longest letter written for me – it was from him! Before the messenger left, he shared a very short painful phrase! My heart started to race literally for quite a minute….i began shaking for reasons I didn’t know!!!

I ran up to my room, my tears about to roll down my cheeks… I held back! I held the ring and just looked intently not realizing the skepticism running through my mind in that particular instant. I opened the letter and the first thing I saw was the date it was written… just a week after he left me!!! Still shaky, I paused for a second and in my mind I was like seriously! And you handed me the letter just now?

Nevertheless, I proceeded reading the letter… I couldn’t digest what was written. I just couldn’t focus probably because I was having mixed feelings or perhaps there was an anticipation of what the epistle was all about. As I moved on to the next page, finally the word that mattered appeared in big bold letters – I’m SORRY! This time, I freely allowed my tears to just flow… I sobbed profusely, I swear!!!

Probably it took me an hour to finally compose myself a bit! In between sobs, I went on reading the rest of the letter…. the ring…. It was supposedly an engagement ring he never had the chance to give. He decided to send it anyway to prove he was sincere all along and he really wanted us to start a family eventually build our own empire. Though it was not possible anymore, the ring was for me!!!

Okay, the ring was for me but that was not my focus any longer…I was actually into finding out his reasons. As I went on reading, I got what I had been waiting for in over a year! A revelation that painfully shocked me! He was very ill and dying!! I trembled and felt so immensely weak…. More tears fell and at that moment I just felt numb……..

….

….

….

I stayed in my room for the rest of the day…no meal…no whatsoever! The next day, I grabbed the letter again and kept going through it for like a hundred times…. How come for someone who’s young and energetic? He didn’t seem sick when we were together? The frequent headache crossed my mind. I was baffled crazy! It took me perhaps a week to finally come to my senses.

When the letter was given to me, he had long passed on….I won’t go into details anymore but at last, the CLOSURE! Heartbreaking but the Finality was telling me it was really over and had to just go on with my life… perhaps with someone destined for me! I can only hope for it to happen….

Alden Richards: Tuloy Pa Rin (Life Goes On)

Alden soulfully singing the song “Tuloy Pa Rin” recapped the entire AnseRa arc (as flashback

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played on the background) and yes it was not a happy ending after all but heartbreakingly tempered with life and love lessons for today’s generation. From where I sit, the entire plot was actually a roller coaster ride of emotions (as always) yet everything was done in a subtle and tasteful manner. Anselmo, Young Nidora, Mama Ariana Miley Zobeyala and Beyonce (Yaya Mot) did great live acting on television…. Kudos!

“Tuloy Pa Rin” is perhaps your (has to include Maine, too) story. I can only assume, your voice cracked a bit while singing but surprisingly you recovered and finished your song. To be honest, it was a rather melancholic yet reflective mood at a rather odd time of the day. Yes, Richard I shed a tear (again for nth time) watching you sing! It’s a somewhat significant song that tells a story of positivity and faith amidst life adversities. I’d say, it is a fitting song to express your present stature. I don’t know if it is just me, but it is probably just me…..

Sure Richard! Life has to go on…….. and I (we) can only guess it’s your song of love and life at the moment. The memories (good and bad) of your past will forever linger in your heart but there’s no turning back! The traces of yesterday you can leave behind. Man, you have to move on and face the challenges life has to offer you. You are 24 (and she’s turning 21)and there’s so much going for you…i say treat love with so much decency and respect – you will never go wrong. As I see it, you have gradually come out of your shell – more transparent and incredibly in love. Hey, please don’t dare rebuff my claim! It shows and I swear to the heavens you have fallen truly, madly deeply.

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The AnseRa episode taught us selfless love… sacrificing to forego people you love for a greater purpose. But trust me, goodbye doesn’t always mean forever… somewhere in God’s perfect time love will certainly find you! And favorably, it did find you perhaps at a time you were most ready…ATM! Of course, it also educated us to be discerning with our actions. If I may mention, Adam Levine (in his song) tells us that “youth is wasted on the young,” so to speak! Being in your early years though doesn’t necessarily give you the license to be imprudent. I don’t mean to sound preachy but its reality.

Sure Richard (and Maine), your young adults…. The entire AnseRa saga is not only Anselmo’s and Nidora’s love story! It’s your story, too (and the story of all young couples)! Here’s the thing, people tend to repeat history…. Dare to know what makes you apart? Obviously, yours is young and new! You were the ones who relived the mistakes of the past (through KalyeSerye) but you don’t have to go through the same tight spot, yes? Please do make a difference! You can always tweak it! It’s up to you to discern which path to track…. I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t want to be stuck between a rock and hard place.

Yes Richard, tuloy pa rin ang buhay (life has to go on)… Enjoy what you two have and together make your dreams into reality!!!!!

 

 

P.S.

Guys hear me out on this! As the AnseRa arc ends, I got emotional with Alden singing “Tuloy Pa Rin! I don’t know but it’s effing gave me the nostalgic feels! Arggghhh…. Is it just me or the song? It is now on repeat in my Spotify list.