Here’s the thing, I am single and at my age I am not too proud about it. I should be married by now but shoulda coulda woulda……..
Don’t get me wrong……I’ve had past relationships – and pay attention long term relationships! They just didn’t freakin work out apparently not meant for marriage. One guy is already married having a blissful family life and the other guy – the one that got away!?!?
Yes, the one that got away had me hurting for over a year. Six years into the relationship…. I was a little bit on the rebound that time but I was pretty sure I had feelings for him. It actually took a while before I could eventually say we had this mutual feeling – LOVE! It was a beautiful relationship until one day,
it just went awry for no apparent reason. He just walked away (without saying goodbye) leaving me clueless…
On our 5th year, we constantly talked about marriage. We were so ready then… we laid bare our plans then he flew back somewhere halfway across the globe. He traveled a lot so we pretty much had a sort of long distance relationship…..that was a rather acceptable set up for us due to his career plus the fact that his entire family was based abroad. We got to be with each other though several times a year – hence we had a quite respectable bonding time.
December……we had the entire cold month to be together! We had out of town trips, binge on our favorite food, late night outs and our favorite seashore hopping. Yes, the beach on a chilly month of the year – one of our weird moments together in our own crazy world. To be honest, the memories we had created on the beach were the best, just so you know. We incredibly enjoyed sitting on the shoreline just watching the waves rippled towards our direction.
We were always calmed by the sound of the water splashing as the waves reached the water’s edge. We were like kids cavorting until the dusk fell…. Our late nights were spent lying on the fine beach sand gazing the stars and just leisurely talking about us and life in general. We loved to joke around though! One thing I remarkably loved about him was his sense of humor – no dull moments. That perhaps got me among others.
Days went by so unbelievably fast. A day before he boarded the plane, he was strangely way sweeter than any other day that we were together. I had this odd feeling that there was something wrong…..perhaps a woman’s intuition! But anyway, he gave me the tightest hug ever and he flew back home….that was the very last hug he gave me…
Our communication turned to completely zero. It was crazily heartbreaking!!!…. You could just tell the depression I was into. It pained me severely because I had zero idea what was really going on. I mourned for more than a year! It was incredibly tough to move ahead and forget everything because there was no CLOSURE to the relationship. Mind over matters of the heart didn’t work out pretty well for me! Perhaps the one thing missing was the Finality!
Until one day, a member of his family came for a visit and had to find me for a very sole purpose (didn’t stay longer than 5 minutes) – handed me an envelope with a thingy in it. It was something solid! For a moment, I was jaded….I opened and found a ring and perhaps the longest letter written for me – it was from him! Before the messenger left, he shared a very short painful phrase! My heart started to race literally for quite a minute….i began shaking for reasons I didn’t know!!!
I ran up to my room, my tears about to roll down my cheeks… I held back! I held the ring and just looked intently not realizing the skepticism running through my mind in that particular instant. I opened the letter and the first thing I saw was the date it was written… just a week after he left me!!! Still shaky, I paused for a second and in my mind I was like seriously! And you handed me the letter just now?
Nevertheless, I proceeded reading the letter… I couldn’t digest what was written. I just couldn’t focus probably because I was having mixed feelings or perhaps there was an anticipation of what the epistle was all about. As I moved on to the next page, finally the word that mattered appeared in big bold letters – I’m SORRY! This time, I freely allowed my tears to just flow… I sobbed profusely, I swear!!!
Probably it took me an hour to finally compose myself a bit! In between sobs, I went on reading the rest of the letter…. the ring…. It was supposedly an engagement ring he never had the chance to give. He decided to send it anyway to prove he was sincere all along and he really wanted us to start a family eventually build our own empire. Though it was not possible anymore, the ring was for me!!!
Okay, the ring was for me but that was not my focus any longer…I was actually into finding out his reasons. As I went on reading, I got what I had been waiting for in over a year! A revelation that painfully shocked me! He was very ill and dying!! I trembled and felt so immensely weak…. More tears fell and at that moment I just felt numb……..
I stayed in my room for the rest of the day…no meal…no whatsoever! The next day, I grabbed the letter again and kept going through it for like a hundred times…. How come for someone who’s young and energetic? He didn’t seem sick when we were together? The frequent headache crossed my mind. I was baffled crazy! It took me perhaps a week to finally come to my senses.
When the letter was given to me, he had long passed on….I won’t go into details anymore but at last, the CLOSURE! Heartbreaking but the Finality was telling me it was really over and had to just go on with my life… perhaps with someone destined for me! I can only hope for it to happen….