I woke up late…… not typical of me. The sun is out and I could just feel the summer heat in this mid April morning. I opened my bedroom window in the east….the glaring morning sun hits my face which got me squinting…narrowing my eyes to actually just get a glimpse of a beautiful day ahead of me. I was expecting a gloomy day…dark clouds and a little drizzly….. on a summer month? Oh! Wait!!!
Last night, it felt so weird that I secured my windows from getting blown off by the wind. The whistling noise scared me to death that I feared getting up from my bed. The sound of big waves that seemed to rush in the water’s edge could be heard from where I had my rented place on a beach resort. I covered myself with a floral cotton blanket just enough to warm me up and found me with ear plugs just so I couldn’t hear the storm’s rage.
I was crying….so hard!!! Partly because of the extremely bad weather……but more so …I was alone and somewhat in the stage of letting go and moving on. Yes, “letting go!?!?” I had zero idea that he had to go….but he had to without my knowing! It pretty killed me… the pain…the solitude…the misery….the helplessness…the walk out. The sobs in between these thoughts had put me into a subtle slumber….
I woke up very early with a heavy heart… I took a quick look outside and I surmised that the storm had somewhat calmed down but not completely though. The rain had not stopped pouring…the waves had seemed calmer than last night! I gently pulled a small round table that was stationed in one corner then reached for a stool and positioned myself near the window facing the shoreline. As I got pensive looking at what it seemed like a blank space, I cringe….. It probably took me a little over five minutes to finally come to my senses.
Morning was rather cold and breezy…the atmosphere actually smelled freshly brewed coffee but I wasn’t in for a hot cup. I decided to write down my thoughts! I reached for my pen and notepad…..oh my ever dependable buddies…they’ve always been there through my ups and downs. My loyal companions when my world seems to crumble into pieces. My story they know of…….
I started writing my letter….Dear……..my right hand tapping the table ….thought of crossing out the word “Dear.” But I decided to go on instead and just had to bear with the idea that I still got the nerve to be sweet with my letter. Anyways, words just came out naturally as tears had started to roll down my cheeks… I was crying again for the things…for the thoughts….for the time before my “mishap” happened! I tried to finish the letter and yes, I had managed to end it though with a sad punctuation mark….
I folded the letter….stood up and begun walking towards the door. With my left hand holding the letter, my right reached for the door knob…twisted and pulled to open the door. The rain had not stopped yet …… I settled on getting soak wet in the rain. It’s going to be fun, I had said to myself…As I trailed my way to the shoreline, my eyes were searching for a bottle….anything bottle with cover.
I had gotten to the water’s edge but alas! I had not found a single bottle…I looked around again and fortunately…had seen one partially covered with sand. With the waves rushing in, I hurriedly walked towards it and pulled it out of the sand…fortunate enough that it had a cover. I rushed near the shoreline to wash off the dirt that had gotten stuck in the bottle.
It wasn’t easy opening the bottle but I managed to do it with a little elbow grease. I slid the letter I bound with a familiar ring inside…closed it up and threw it in the waters……ahhhh…”message in a bottle” thing…I watched it sail being carried away by the ripples until it was gone…
Now, here I stood a soldier in the rain!!!
Was it a lucid dream? Or a piece of a not so distant past coming back to me? What I know of….i have totally moved on – it’s over and done with! But it keeps coming back, actually several times……..in my dreams – the beach…heavy rain, dark clouds, and strong wind! Aaarrrggghhh!!!