I am proud…….

Realizing that I am a part (first time fangirl) of a huge fandom….diverse that is! Differing in thinking….differing in judgment but we all are one in supporting RJ and Maine. The” language” we speak may differ from each other because of the so-called individual differences but these actually distinguish us from one another… Hey, I may speak a language different from yours but that doesn’t give me the edge or even the thought that I am above everyone else who may not understand my “tongue.”

If I may say, we are all in equal footing here only because we all gathered here in this fandom with only one reason. Well, outside the fandom, you could be who you are – a student fighting for the highest honors, laborer, professional artist, professor, doctor, vendor, regular employee or a politician…. Actually we come from all walks of life and the followings unbelievably cut across all social classes. Interestingly, that’s something I am always proud of joining the bandwagon.

The so called diversity in this fandom makes it inimitable (I guess)…we should be delighted that we have this unprecedented and inadvertent “coming together.” All for the love of two individuals who are pretty much trying to fulfill their so-called DESTINY…and we are with them perhaps in making that happen……..it’s happening though so we must be happy!

I cringe……

Being aware of the ongoing politics in this fandom…. Honestly, I’ve never heard of such really exist but alas, it does and is existing. Arrgghh……the thinking fandom that I thought was just a mere “meeting place” for fans/supporters like me has become an arena of envy, power trip and opposing opinions !!! The infighting….just makes my heart bleed for Aldubnation. Yes, the disagreement….the rivalry amongst members….got me in a culture shock ….what the heck?

This is one hell of a fandom with beautiful people but from where I sit, it now feels like hell!!! It’s burning and I see people spitting fire at each other just to get above the rest… It’s a pity but I can still handle the heat though….all for the love!

Hhhmmm…..the blaming game! Lions trying to harass other lions for their own selfish gain! And oh, by the way, “yesterday I saw a lion kiss a deer.” I can only assume, some have actually perfected the art of discrediting other rival accounts at the expense of independent and small accounts. What is there to fight about when all we want is for our idols to have their forever… pointing your fingers at someone doesn’t make you more truthful and in the know…..

Has pride got something to do with the present ruckus within the fandom? Bruised ego, yes? Pardon me but I would have to say this, that feeling of being superior is basically a telling sign of being “authoritarian.” Hey guys! In this small world you and I belong to, you don’t control people and tell them what to do or say…… even how implicit the act may be.

I’d like to believe that in this fandom, we still have the freedom to speak even if it means no one’s going to agree with my point of view (as long as it’s respectfully done). Why is using an HT in conjunction with the official HT such a “taboo?”  When I find it relevant, I guess I have the free will to use any other HT to support my idols (just saying though)…… Well, it takes zero effort to respect other people’s choices, just so you know! Here’s a thing, you can actually take off your blinders so you may see a better view of the world we all (as fans/supporters) have tried to build. Know that blinders are especially made for horses only.

Oh before I forget, the one sided support…………pretty peculiar, yes? Haist………it doesn’t necessarily have to work this way! Equal treatment guys (whether projects together or individually)…. If you love the couple, it should not be…… one is above the other!!!

 I pray….

For healing..……..meet at a common ground. Honestly, I know…yes, I know that differences in views and beliefs spark misunderstanding amongst the members but these don’t have to be personal. Innuendos may just trigger division…….didn’t we come here in this fandom to unite? Always for the love, yes?

Hey guys, we didn’t come in this fandom to disappoint each other or leave a bad taste in each other’s mouth…… Can we just be the thinking fandom that we are without hurting each other’s ego……just live and let live! We can always respect each other, yes?

Anyhow, I have no regrets though associating myself in this fandom coz I found my niche with people I am comfortable sharing my ideas with and who probably speak the same language as mine.

Everybody is someone.


To Marcus

Hey Marcus,

You’ve been reading my entries so far……so here’s my hello! From the other side………

It’s past midnight here…..yet still in a maze!?!? Sleep just couldn’t find me…argghh!!! Twas a pretty tough day for me here, dude!

I am sitting by the window looking up in the sky………..here I go again, I don’t know if it is just me but I have this fascination – looking upward whether I’m happy, sad, nervous, ranting, pensive, thinking, afraid or even jaded…..there’s something in the heavens that prompts me to look up especially at night. I marvel at the thought of what’s going on up there…..magical!?!?!? Enchanting?!?!?! Mesmerizing!?!?!?! Just no words!!!

It’s half moon and I couldn’t seem to appreciate the Big Dipper I am staring at right now. The night is calm…eerie feeling but the flicker in the sky just seem to balance the creepiness of the night.  Haist…..my thoughts wander without any direction – I just couldn’t seem to gather my thoughts!!!

Been a long day Marcus and I had to beat the scorching summer heat running from A to B like a headless chicken!!! Yes, I did my personal errands while trying to hit my deadline. My work is pretty killing me having to multitask. Marcus, I’m no superwoman…not even a Clark Kent on my side to give me a pat on the shoulder when the going gets rough…. Sometimes, I feel like just giving up but…no!!! My life’s (right now) a bore…redundant…rough…. Have I told you yet? Damn! I can’t really seem to….. but two words would best describe ….controlled chaos…….!

Hey dude, did I seem like ranting about my life? Sorry, I just need to vent my frustrations…. I know… I know…you’ve been really patient with me but please put up with me more! We’re friends, yes? Bear with me Marcus, this will soon come to pass….

Heard you’ve been really having a great time building your empire…aaahhh….the businessman in you, ayt? Oh well! I’ve always believed in your keen judgment that’s why we’re friends, yes? Oh no! I can picture you smirking right now….ahahaha!!! But on a serious note, I admire your dedication….at over 30, you are already made and….a billionaire? But hey, it’s not what you have that will really decide who you really are in the end but your character…….

Good luck buddy! Whatever happens, we’re going to pull this through together!!!


Letter for Mama

May 08, 2016

Dear Mama,

 It’s Mother’s day…….and this day I dedicate it to you!!! I know you’ve been long gone in my/our life/lives but I still celebrate the fact that you are and will always be my mother, regardless. You may not be physically present but I have always believed your presence in all my endeavors. Yes, I’m claiming it and that is my own truth! But did you know that I always had this silent wish you being just a phone call away?

 Mama, you couldn’t blame me, yes? It has been over two decades me without a mother to cling to… (you know how dependent I was on you) and that has almost always got me sulking and in extreme sadness through the years…… There were nights it would hit me out of left field and I would just cry until I fell asleep. It has been tough Mama, being used to waking up breakfast already prepared….school uniform not with folds and wrinkles……hot bath ready…and all that maternal stuff that only mothers could patiently carry out without falter.

The pain of losing you has become more bearable though, but trust that I still extremely miss you every day of my life! At my age and being single, I still wish you here beside me talking about anything, life‘s lessons and constantly nagging me about having a family! To keep my sanity perhaps, I have always kept a photograph of you in my wallet……..just to keep me reminded how beautiful and how loving you are as a mother, sister, aunt, grandmother and friend….

 Mama, remember when I told you one day “I love you zero?” You were unfazed probably because you knew it was a statement from an innocent unpredictable daughter….. Up to this day, I regret having said that…. Yes, deep in my heart I feel sorry for my formative years that were not so good (even if you had been very patient in your parental duties).  If only, yes if only I could turn back the time…. Now, when I look up the sky, I try to find your face among the clouds and among the stars at night hoping you would come into view and tell me how you love me dearly inspite of and despite of……….how proud you are of what I have become.

I miss you….poking my nose when I’m a little bit naughty…….stroking my hair when I’m a bit nervous….giving me a pat when I’m about to lose hope…cheering me up when I’m sad… wiping my tears when I cry….hugging me tight for no reason at all….

Mama, are you watching me down from where you are now?…. you see me tear up as I struggle to write my letter of love to you, yes?…. I have not changed, have i?….your forever cry baby…I cry….I always cry…. for the times I couldn’t get my dress neatly ironed….. for the times I couldn’t get my adobo taste as heavenly as yours….for the times I couldn’t fix my hem….for the times I was too shy to dance and you weren’t there to encourage me……..for the times I was broken hearted twice and there was no one I could run to…..for all the time that I had no one to call mama, mommy, mom or nanay………could you please …just please wipe away my tears just for today!!!

I want to feel the warmth of your embrace once again….Yes, my affectionate mama who loved me (and my siblings) unconditionally. How could I fail to remember the woman who practically made everything easy for me while growing up? Remember when you had to uncomplainingly put up with my tantrums as a child? Ohhh! The patience of a mother is indeed immeasurable……

Mama, your early passing had made me realize that life is indeed too short to be just wasted. You were still “young” then but God probably had better plans for you up there and for us here you left behind… You are definitely my one ever heartbreak that’s gonna forever leave a void in my heart…

HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY, MAMA…… Thank you…thank you and thank you!!! I love you from my heart to yours….


Your ever clingy daughter,

 Madz (Lexi)


Letter for RJ & Maine

To My dear RJ & Maine,

How do I actually start? Ahhhhh…….

So, you are set to embark on a new journey (literally and figuratively)….know that I am extremely happy for both of you! Not so long ago, you were just “lost souls” trying to find your own sweet place under the sun……until you crossed path… (again)! I couldn’t help but look back and refresh my memory on how we all started as one united nation. Ohhh! Your first split screen meeting…..how would I explain it? It was just incredibly monumental!

How could I forget those awkward smiles from both ends of the screen (I just couldn’t take off the beam on my face even if it means I’ve pressed on that replay button over a hundred times already since July)….? It doesn’t get old, actually……… Definitely, it was an epic moment that started it all…. To be honest, that “meeting” was a leap of faith into the unknown but fate sure has its own playful unique way of entangling a love that’s meant to be….and destiny brought you back together again (unknowingly, you’ve met each other a little over 5 years ago, yes?)!!!

 I wear a triumph smile thinking how you have become, working together as a couple… Yes, RJ and Maine, you are a couple and rather unconventional to the practice of the entertainment industry. Honestly, I (we) love you that way…for who/what you are. I (we) do not need you to wear a mask and make us believe the persons you are not. You stand out being your own unique selves and it’s quite a blast when you are together! You have truly evolved and now you have stepped up……… on to your journey of love and life!!!

 RJ and Maine, why do I feel a tinge of an emotional moment…. realizing that you will be away for quite a while? Aaarrrggghhh!!! My  MAICHARD heart…..Sigh!!! But knowing (aside from work, though) that you two are going to create wonderful memories together in a place away from the hustle and bustle of the showbiz industry, I feel more than excited and giddy!!! We, all are actually….just so you know!

As midnight approaches, I look upward and I see both of you up there among the stars…you shine the brightest though! You have that sparkle that could light up even the darkest sky… the moon beams with pride having you together up there! Perhaps God wanted you up there so you both can see us here proud of what you have achieved in such a short period of time. Sadly, you have yet to shine with your own light!?!?!?!? We feel though your sweet embraces reassuring us that success will be ours in God’s perfect time….

 Remember, everything is transitory but please prove to us that FOREVER is not just a word but a continuous journey of your love and life!!! May God be the center in everything you do no matter how rough the road may be…

Fly high our MAICHARD!










So now…….. I saw a pissed off Alden Richards…

We always watch him in his usual sweet innocent gestures….he doesn’t easily get mad and that’s one endearing trait of him…he sure knows how to take everything in jest making him in equal wavelength with the DABARKADS in Eat Bulaga! He seems too good to be perfect, don’t you think? But no! He’s never perfect and that’s one thing people (non- Alden fans) should try to understand!

Saturday’s (April 30) JFAAFJ Sugod Bahay episode was a teeny weeny revelation of RJ’s other side. He was actually in his element…being part of the panel…. until his real intention towards Maine,

ctto: aldub vines

his lady love, was put to a question. Yes, his sincerity was put to a “test” but (not surprisingly though) he stood his ground. Knowing his persona, he will never allow his sincerity tainted by just one soothsayer who has, to say the least, zero credibility….

Guys, my heart raced seeing his reaction….I wanted to break in my TV screen to his rescue but I just couldn’t. Impossible, yes? It was like……arrrggghhh!!! Honestly, I understood where he was coming from… his conscious efforts …his precious time…. dedicated to just one special lady and yet being judged by who knows but a lucky winner in Sugod Bahay… that was one hell of a “nightmare” for Alden Richards…. image5

Watching him, again…I saw his struggle guys! The look on his face…trying to contain his emotion. I knew he wanted….yes, he wanted to tell the nation aloud that he is one earnest guy but all he could utter was “stick to one ako!” That suppressed feeling was written all over his face…he just couldn’t blurt it out…no, not at that moment….not now….maybe…just maybe at a given time! Words were not spoken but his eyes spoke a thousand words……

Expectedly though, his love of his life, Maine, was at the helm to his rescue… she never faltered with what she always believed was the truth…she was pretty reassuring with her statement!!! I laud her for that…….it’s LOVE that I see in both of them!!!

2016-04-16 23.33.27Like I always say, their actions (RJ and Maine) are way better understood than what comes out from their mouth. Hell yes, that epic “wall” still haunts the nation…boxing them up!!! They speak in silence …..? It’s what their career dictates, perhaps…. But I do get it…the entire nation possibly can identify. Probably, not a time to “turn the page and hope for a brand new ending”…not now, not for the next weeksary/monthsary, I guess!!!

Dare you not see them “just a boy/girl caught up in dreams and fantasies!” They may have been showing off their naughtiness and playfulness on live television but guys, they are real people with real feelings! Them no perfect and so is their relationship…

Here’s a thing, theirs will never be a walk in the park….holding on to each other may help them pull through though! They are off to hopefully seeing the world and I can only just hope and pray that it’s gonna be worth it in the end….

I am holding on………2016-04-16 23.26.38



Note: (quoted phrases are from the song “Lost Stars”)