May 08, 2016
It’s Mother’s day…….and this day I dedicate it to you!!! I know you’ve been long gone in my/our life/lives but I still celebrate the fact that you are and will always be my mother, regardless. You may not be physically present but I have always believed your presence in all my endeavors. Yes, I’m claiming it and that is my own truth! But did you know that I always had this silent wish you being just a phone call away?
Mama, you couldn’t blame me, yes? It has been over two decades me without a mother to cling to… (you know how dependent I was on you) and that has almost always got me sulking and in extreme sadness through the years…… There were nights it would hit me out of left field and I would just cry until I fell asleep. It has been tough Mama, being used to waking up breakfast already prepared….school uniform not with folds and wrinkles……hot bath ready…and all that maternal stuff that only mothers could patiently carry out without falter.
The pain of losing you has become more bearable though, but trust that I still extremely miss you every day of my life! At my age and being single, I still wish you here beside me talking about anything, life‘s lessons and constantly nagging me about having a family! To keep my sanity perhaps, I have always kept a photograph of you in my wallet……..just to keep me reminded how beautiful and how loving you are as a mother, sister, aunt, grandmother and friend….
Mama, remember when I told you one day “I love you zero?” You were unfazed probably because you knew it was a statement from an innocent unpredictable daughter….. Up to this day, I regret having said that…. Yes, deep in my heart I feel sorry for my formative years that were not so good (even if you had been very patient in your parental duties). If only, yes if only I could turn back the time…. Now, when I look up the sky, I try to find your face among the clouds and among the stars at night hoping you would come into view and tell me how you love me dearly inspite of and despite of……….how proud you are of what I have become.
I miss you….poking my nose when I’m a little bit naughty…….stroking my hair when I’m a bit nervous….giving me a pat when I’m about to lose hope…cheering me up when I’m sad… wiping my tears when I cry….hugging me tight for no reason at all….
Mama, are you watching me down from where you are now?…. you see me tear up as I struggle to write my letter of love to you, yes?…. I have not changed, have i?….your forever cry baby…I cry….I always cry…. for the times I couldn’t get my dress neatly ironed….. for the times I couldn’t get my adobo taste as heavenly as yours….for the times I couldn’t fix my hem….for the times I was too shy to dance and you weren’t there to encourage me……..for the times I was broken hearted twice and there was no one I could run to…..for all the time that I had no one to call mama, mommy, mom or nanay………could you please …just please wipe away my tears just for today!!!
I want to feel the warmth of your embrace once again….Yes, my affectionate mama who loved me (and my siblings) unconditionally. How could I fail to remember the woman who practically made everything easy for me while growing up? Remember when you had to uncomplainingly put up with my tantrums as a child? Ohhh! The patience of a mother is indeed immeasurable……
Mama, your early passing had made me realize that life is indeed too short to be just wasted. You were still “young” then but God probably had better plans for you up there and for us here you left behind… You are definitely my one ever heartbreak that’s gonna forever leave a void in my heart…
HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY, MAMA…… Thank you…thank you and thank you!!! I love you from my heart to yours….
Your ever clingy daughter,