TO MY FANGIRL SELF

Dear Fangirl Self,

Wow! It has been more than a year…and hey, what a ride!!! Crazy ride that is…….!!! Still baffled though, how this ALDUB phenomenon came about….

I was actually surprised, more than anything…to see you, dedicating a part of your life fangirling! I have seen you  procrastinate, well, most of your time….exchanging tweets and POVs to people you’ve never met personally and some you have just met.  You were never this agog and I’m quite jealous/envious about it. As soon as you wake up and still squinting, you fumble in your bed for your phone and check on what’s the latest about ALDUB/MAICHARD!!! You almost always forget that you haven’t  gotten up….….for your morning rituals.

 Your late night convos (till the wee hours actually) with your so called “friends”are a gem to you. You, more often than not, doze off…with your phone resting in your face and I’d always wear a quiet laughter…sweet silliness!!!

I get it! The joy that you get from it (even how nonsensical the convos maybe). I have seen you get giddy, happy, laugh, cry, get disappointed and felt devastated. However, you often forget  fangirl self, that you have a life beyond this fangirling mode. You’ve also been critical about them individually and as a couple – but that doesn’t mean  you adore them less/zero.

Yes, I’d say critical….for there have been issues/things you have not been in agreement with. You can only assume… the word “pordalab” has already been misused a million times already. It has even gotten to a point that it felt like quite “diluted” in a way. The fandom, though being diverse and huge opened your eyes to a multitude of realities – including that of RJ and Maine being two different individuals. Simply put, you are all moving around a kaleidoscope world!

Lately, though  you’ve been trying to “disconnect.” I guess, you’ve been  feeling a bit indifferent due to some recent circumstances… Is it a case of “the last straw that broke the camel’s back?” You are trying to pull away gradually, as I see it……just like the way I feel your struggle to detach yourself from the friends you’ve made. But no matter how imperfect Alden/RJ and Maine are, as separate individuals, as a couple and as celebrities, you have this fervent prayer of them becoming one in the eyes of God….soon! Even if at the end of the day, it will just be them…just the two of them who will fulfill their promise of forever. You and the entire fandom will just be mere spectators….ecstatic/giddy witnesses to a love entangled by destiny.

On second thought, less or even zero visibility on twitter doesn’t make you less of a MAICHARD shipper. Things have become quite tough to take in (for someone faint-hearted like you), so you think. Perhaps, it’s about time for you to focus on some other things important in your life and just admire them from afar….

Anyhoo, we stay or leave by choice….

 

Your Other Self

WHAT’S ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN?

I told you not too long ago, it’s your story. You laughed about it perhaps to brush the idea off from me….

I said, listen to the song! Metaphoric…it’s beautiful, with a somewhat melancholic melody. And you did. You liked it!

….

….

….

Looking back, how did we actually start? Ahhh!!! You saw a post of mine, you asked about it and that perhaps initiated a what would be never ending serious talks, “nonsensical” chatters and everything in between.  We have our disagreements on some certain issues, but we always agree on one thing…. agree to differ. We crazily laugh(ed) our lungs out (till dawn) and yes, we still do every once in a while – as if we’ve known each other for so long… I couldn’t remember the number of times I dozed off only to wake up with a cracked phone display or a slightly swollen nose line/forehead. I chuckle at the thought of it – kind of crazy moments!

I know little about you. I don’t ask, but you share a fragment of your life. I know a bit about your struggles… a fight you have been trying to win for the longest time. Your routine stuff; your small world. Honestly, I am in awe of your strength of character, though at some point you hint me of you being resigned about what could be in God’s miraculous hands. But, you have a way of showing me that life doesn’t suck after all… that life has to go on!

You also  shared that you once “thwarted” an offer of a “blissful life” for a couple of reasons. I listened intently because I felt that was the best  thing to do at that time. It was you (who is not in a better state) telling me the meaning of selfless love. I, for a moment, was speechless and didn’t know what/how to react…it was a pretty tough act but there was an undisturbed tranquility in you. The more I admired you!

Today, still I know only a few things about you,  but I am not complaining. You are getting better from my perspective. I pray to God!!! It’s enough that you have dropped a tad bit of a hint about new interesting stuff in your life. I am both happy and excited about what’s next!!! I am eager to know what’s on the other side of the mountain!!!

“When you know that love is right…you gather dream bouquets! And one or two will drift away with you, through water colored days!”….. (lines/s from the song It’s Time To Say I Love You)